By Janet Geringer Woititz
Janet Woititz, mom of the restoration circulate, sensitively addresses the limitations of belief and intimacy that youngsters research in an alcoholic relatives. She presents feedback for development loving relationships with acquaintances, companions, and spouses.
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Those who are products of homes where bonding never took place, if they invest at all, invest at once, heavily and on a deep emotional level. They seize the opportunity for bonding and are deeply involved before they know what is happening. In the early stages of a relationship, there is great intensity of feelings. The body chemistry that attracts you to each other is activated, and both parties are Page 32 super-attentive and super-involved. You understand this degree of intensity because it feels to you like the energizing you experience in a crisis.
When I wrote Adult Children of Alcoholics, I wrote that, too, with relative ease. I wrote it for my childrenthe hundreds of my children who have been part of my life and part of my counseling practice. I felt confident when I wrote both of these books that I was answering some questions, providing some "how-to's" that I knew would work. To write about the struggle for intimacy is quite another matter. It is a much more complex issue, key to the happiness of every man and woman. It is quite clear to me that I am not as detached as I was when I wrote the other books.
The next time I saw Carol, she told me how furious Bill had become. "How could anyone walk into a room, look directly at you, and turn out the light? " She said, "You know, it didn't bother me at all. " For them, Bill's anger was an important learning experience. It was clear to her that she needed to work on her own self-worth. And he learned how deep the lack of validation is for COAs. Asking the question about whether the reaction was "normal" prompted the insight. Who is to say what is normal?