By Dan F
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I got this burning, angry feeling in my chest. She hadn't done what I told her to do. I exploded and grabbed her shopping bags. " At that instant, something hit me and I thought, What the hell am I doing and what does it matter how she spends her money? She's not hurting me. When I stepped back and viewed the bigger picture of what I was doing, I saw the hopelessness of it. And that's how things broke open for me. In that one day, I became aware and willing to see all my other efforts to control and dominate people.
Now I was being asked to risk my image, my carefully constructed persona, in order to become whole. With much resistance, I began telling my closest buddies what was happening to me. They nodded knowinglythey had long been aware of the dimensions of my problem. What I told them was hardly news to them. They gave me some tips about how I might soften my controlling ways and my lightning-quick defensiveness. After about a year of stubbornly slow progress, I decided to take myself to a therapist. I wanted a faster, more magical recovery.
These included: Page 12 · When a relationship becomes filled with stress and dissatisfaction, just walk away from itabandon the ship. · The way to resolve a problem is through shouting and bullying. Respect for another's point of view is not a workable approach. " · Problems are never discussed rationally in a relationship; they are treated with a great deal of emotionality and explosiveness. · The one who controls the reactions and behavior of others in the family wins. · Family matters can be resolved best by taking a scornful, critical, or bullying approach.